Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
and all that jazz....

I love this skin.... It's probably the best one I've ever had. I had to use it. To the person who created this, you're great. Really professional. Keep it up! Okay, so I really hope I didn't screw up the whatever codes of this skin and mess up again. I really like this. Hope it turns out well *fingers crossed*

So Christmas is coming. Just love the season. Somehow, it brings out more love from people. Working in the bookstore tends to make one feel discouraged, because you actually see how ugly people can be. It's pretty appalling too, because it seems like all the prestigious and expensive education we have had has gone to the dogs. Or simply, education begets arrogance. If it does, it is very sad for us all.

I'll probably do something for the folks I know this year; didn't happen last year due to bad planning and of course, lack of funds. This year, at least I have the blueprint in my mind right now, and it's something simple... Not too complicated or expensive. Probably get some personal gifts too, because I know that some people who are reading this *ahem* have got me gifts, so I really want to... You know, there's a better phrase I can use other than 'return the favor', but it has slipped from my mind... eheh.

I found myself slipping back into the comfortable mould again, i.e. I'm entertaining thoughts of staying again. This is bad. I mean, not bad as in unforgivable bad, but I'm limiting myself by thinking that. It's scary to see how you can so comfortably go back to routine, because you don't want to change.

Okay, I shall keep this for another day. Bought 2 VCDs: Chicago and Edward Scissorhand. Watched Chicago yesterday and I love it. Catherine was pregnant when she did the film, and she had to do all the vigorous dancing.... She's great. She played Velma Kelly with a kind of relish, which worked wonderfully for the film. As for Renee, well... I'm sure she is a good actress but somehow her potrayal of Roxie didn't quite cut it for me. She's not bad in the role, but maybe I'm just not able to appreciate it. On the whole, the movie was really fine.

~ nox noctis ~

The Stop of Life...
Finally cleared out all the notes that I've accumulated over the years of education. It's surprising I didn't feel any sense of nostalgia or reluctant hesistance when sending them all to the recycling bag.... Guess it's more of a practical thing to do, clearing out my room, rather than something I wish I don't have to do.

So, time to move on. The question is, when and how? Damn, many a times I was so close to giving up and actually relished the idea of staying put permanently in the bookstore. I really love the place and the people, but deep inside of me, I know that these people are but passers-by in this stop in life called the bookstore. They are preparing their way to somewhere better... Or rather, somewhere with more opportunities. I even felt that some of them were a waste of talent being so-called 'stuck' in a place like this. Some I know are just putting up with all the crap they are getting for a better 'life' after. Some I know are just here for... I have no reason why they are here, seeing their work attitude. Some I know are simply contented to stay put, and it is really because they like their job and some, it is because they can get away with anything and I mean anything. To the point that it affects the morale of other people. I don't know if it is a result of staying longer than one should. Some, I see, they have been victims of their own fear. I don't know if I'm harsh by saying that, but the fear of getting out there and starting all over, meeting new people and re-engaging yourself to a new workplace environment...The fear is very real and daunting.

I know I'm not going to stay here; I know that for a fact. This bookstore will always be a part time job to me. It's time for me to move on and not entertain any thoughts of 'what if-s' and 'maybe-s' of becoming permanent.

~ nox noctis ~

HOT AIR BALLOON
Yep, I am feeling like one now. Lots of gas in the stomach due to the lethal combination of cream pasta and cafe latte... and that was three days ago, and I'm still burping. Damn it.

Met up with an old friend from polytechinic recently. Couldn't help but feel the impact of time once again, and how it has pass us by. It's probably less than 3 year since poly graduation, and so much has happened. For her, certain ridiculous things remain the same but now, she has a partner to share those moments with. For me, it is more like I lost a fight to the inevitable, and it is probably something I need to recover from.

I need to go back to church. I tried to not think about it, but it's there and it's something I have to deal with. Somebody once said something about a person's soul being the fountain of life, and it is the spring that brings life to the body. The fountain in me is drying up, this much I know. The rest of me is just existing, but not nourished.

~ nox noctis ~

.T.I.R.E.D.

I'm tired. Really tired. Tired of the responsibilities that come along with adulthood. Tired of the petty inconveniences that people whine about. I'm feeling so stressed to the point that everyone I know, I feel that they are giving some kind of stress. I'm just being full of nonsense and crap. I'm not going to whine in my blog, no way.

Nobody said the process of decision-making is easy, and what more of life-altering decisions. At this point, I figured I want to do some many things, yet it's all messy in my mind and I cannot take the mess that's inside. Sometimes, I think so much, it's tiring. Like how I'm feeling now. I almost threw in the towel at work just now. Wanted to just walk up to my boss and tell her 'This is it. I'm done here. I'm giving you my notice.' But it's so easy to walk away and not put up a fight. My mum didn't raise me up that way, and I know for sure that I'll regret it in the future, and I already have tons of regret to contend with, thank you very much. I don't need any more regrets to make my life even more.... regrettable.

So this is like PMS for big decision-making ahead. Like I need to go through a period of brooding and depression and utter disregard for anything else, before it hits me and I gain wisdom and intelligence. Well, I can live with that. It's probably my fatigue that is magnifying all the insignificance. I'll recover.

~ nox noctis ~

HTML HTML HTML HTML HTM HTML HTML HTML

I've been having some issues with the previous skin and some people said that the horrible Barney purple fonts did not do the metallic skin any justice. So here I am, back to my all-time favorite one. Till I master the HTML codes, this will be my skin to stay.

So, I have decided to declare my blog address to some friends. It's still quite embarrassing, because sometimes, what you have written here is for your eyes only. You conveniently forget that the rest of the WWW sees them too. I mean, hey, seriously buddy, if you really did want to keep your thoughts completely to yourself, why have a damn blog in the WWW in the first place? It's just simply unadulterated exhibitionism and a need for your words to be heard somewhere, somehow. ALL ON THE WWW, hear me roar!!!

Well, I have decided the direction that my blog would go. It would most probably border on cynicism and satirism. I mean, telling people about how I wake up in the cold/ rainy morning, dragging myself to the toilet, conducting whatever hygiene necessities needed to have a healthier life and how I am going to spend the rest of my day, be it with my dog, my friends, my boyfriend/ girlfriend, school mates... if I wanted to know all of these, all I have to do is to tune in to the real life station known as My Life. You’re no Paris Hilton. Who wants to know about your miserable life?

My blog is going to be interesting. I hope it to be, at least. As such, I shan’t be posting entries every other day. Like I’ve mentioned, you don’t need to know what’s going on in my life (what I had to dinner etc). Damn, I should have made this disclaimer during my first ever entry. Well, it's never too late. My blog, my rules.

Had a terrible time dealing with the previous skin and I’m telling you, it’s bloody troublesome. Ack.

~ nox noctis ~

Ok...so I've got a new skin out. The color is horrible, I know. It stinks the eyes, but at least it's VISIBLE.

This is a test drive. If it appears Barney-purple, I'm fine with it. It's still work in progress.

Peace.