SOMEHOW my blog skin changed without my knowledge. As a result, I can only post and not receive any feedback. I need help in this HTML sh#T....
THE week has been, how shall I put it, about me just popping by NUH every now and then. Mum is still in there and it is going to be indefinite as to how long she will be in there. I'm worried, of course, but not as much as I should, because I know that the doctors are doing all they can to ease her pain and to come up with feasible alternatives to keep her going. My mum, as far as I can tell, is still going on pretty strong....You go girl! :D
FRIENDS who know, they ask how my mum is and I tell them she is fine, and I am not lying or softening the whole situation. Sometimes, I wonder if I am being naively optimistic about her condition, then I realized that no; it has finally sink in. It is cancer, and the only thing it can go is not away, but into remission which I think is already good enough.
THEN they would ask me, "how are you?" or "are you okay/ all right?". To all the people I know out there who are concerned and reading this, I am really okay. Frankly, I should be okay because I'm not the one who has cancer. It is my mother who has it, and I guess some people (when inflicted with such family 'crisis') are so down and depressed and they show it openly. I'm not that sort. Different people have different ways of dealing with hardship and tragedy, and for me, I think the best way is to smile. It does make you feel better.
A church friend is in the next ward, near my mother. The first thing he said to me when I went to see him was, "We always meet under weird circumstances." The first time was at the bookstore, now in NUH. He too has cancer, and... Every trip to the hospital makes me think that life is so unfair. Why him, why my mum? Sometimes, religion makes you go "you know, since You are the one at the helm, you can change things, but somehow you don't and I still cannot see how cancer and suffering is good for the soul." I'll sleep on that and try to decipher an answer.
~ nox noctis ~
Monday, July 19, 2004
I have a feeling things are going to change. Again, there is this amount of slight change in me that has never been felt before. It's good and about time, too.
CURRENTLY reading Prozac Nation. So far, it is pretty engaging because it reads like a conversation/ dialogue. I'll try to get my hands on the DVD or VCD. It stars Christina Ricci, who I still think is a pretty cool actress. Her potrayal of Wednesday in the Adams Family Values is classic.
CHURCH... It's a sanctuary for me. I haven't been there in weeks and I do miss it, not because of guilt but because it is the place where I feel at peace and myself.
~ nox noctis ~
CURRENTLY reading Prozac Nation. So far, it is pretty engaging because it reads like a conversation/ dialogue. I'll try to get my hands on the DVD or VCD. It stars Christina Ricci, who I still think is a pretty cool actress. Her potrayal of Wednesday in the Adams Family Values is classic.
CHURCH... It's a sanctuary for me. I haven't been there in weeks and I do miss it, not because of guilt but because it is the place where I feel at peace and myself.
~ nox noctis ~
Saturday, July 17, 2004
I wanted to change the blog skin, but decided to do so another day because today was simply a damn trying day for me.
SICKENING customer aside (it is a day like any other bad day in retail), it is the people who you work with who always, metaphorically speaking, slap you time and again with their brand of senseless-ness. This time, it is wearing all of my comrades out. It is completely draining us of our energy to have to, time and again, give in to her selfish and pampered whims.
WORK used to be fun, but now I am only staying put because of all of these comrades. These people whom I've met and fought bad/ stupid customers 'battles' with... these are the same people who make me realize that despite the existence of such idiocy and immaturity, we all know that one day, we will be released from them; the so-called salvation, I guess :D
IN school, the two Aliens Ultimo had taken the final step of breaking away from the group. I see it as a form of release and hooray for us 3, but despite that, I still feel that they have one-up-ed on me and the other two again. Again, they put out something and expect us to take it, with no questions asked and no other ways about it. Sometimes, their cluelessness as to what they have done is beyond me. I do not even know what else to say to that.
I take my work seriously, I really do. Of course, there is always the occasional slacking off but that is normal. After today, this need to re-assess my work and personal values came to me again. Is the job worth staying any longer? What is at stake? What do I value? What do I want to get out of this?
Mum's still in the hospital, but at least she is being taken care of by the professionals. Would love it that she can be back home, but what ever that needs to be done has to be done for her.
~ nox noctis ~
SICKENING customer aside (it is a day like any other bad day in retail), it is the people who you work with who always, metaphorically speaking, slap you time and again with their brand of senseless-ness. This time, it is wearing all of my comrades out. It is completely draining us of our energy to have to, time and again, give in to her selfish and pampered whims.
WORK used to be fun, but now I am only staying put because of all of these comrades. These people whom I've met and fought bad/ stupid customers 'battles' with... these are the same people who make me realize that despite the existence of such idiocy and immaturity, we all know that one day, we will be released from them; the so-called salvation, I guess :D
IN school, the two Aliens Ultimo had taken the final step of breaking away from the group. I see it as a form of release and hooray for us 3, but despite that, I still feel that they have one-up-ed on me and the other two again. Again, they put out something and expect us to take it, with no questions asked and no other ways about it. Sometimes, their cluelessness as to what they have done is beyond me. I do not even know what else to say to that.
I take my work seriously, I really do. Of course, there is always the occasional slacking off but that is normal. After today, this need to re-assess my work and personal values came to me again. Is the job worth staying any longer? What is at stake? What do I value? What do I want to get out of this?
Mum's still in the hospital, but at least she is being taken care of by the professionals. Would love it that she can be back home, but what ever that needs to be done has to be done for her.
~ nox noctis ~
Sunday, July 11, 2004
HMM... I just like the new blog skin so much, I thought I would just pop in and drop a line or two.
SOMETIMES, it is the little things that get me all riled up. On the contrary, people always say, "It's just a small thing, forget it." Exactly. Since it is a small thing or issue, why not just forget it? I guess when this particular thing called 'money' is involved, no matter how small the issue is, it will be blown up and all bonds and relationships forged will be put to the test.
THIS train of thought came just a few days ago. The impact of it was simply ridiculous. Me and two other mates were shocked (aghast) at how this other two people ("Aliens Ultimo") are so particular (calculative) and detailed (penny-pinching). It is the long story that required us to pay for some damages we supposedly caused back down under, and the biggest joke is, we were innocent...But no, the two aliens just wants to settle the payment as soon as possible. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WE DIDN'T DO IT, DAMN IT~!!
THIS case of damage that we apparently caused has many loopholes. ONE, the amount of the damages was only deducted FOUR days after our departure, and without any form of notice, be it a phone call or email; just like that. I cannot help but wonder if giving out our credit card numbers is really safe and secure. TWO, the photo image of one of the damages was too incredible. To put it simply, this sort of damage can only be caused by a bowling ball being dropped into the middle of a ceramic sink, thus causing the cracks(Damage #1). Imagine how the impact would have been. Five people with an average weight of 55 kilograms each cannot cause such a damage. To clarify matters, none of us had a bowling ball in our luggage. Oh yeah, I have to add this. It is like one of another classic: Alien Ultimo #1 says that such cracks cannot be caused even if (get ready for this) somebody had sex on the sink (!!!) Go Figure, and understand my mental pain.
Plus, the picture could have been taken anywhere. If anyone of you thinks that I am trying to get away without paying, please do not read further. Get the hell out of my blog. THREE, me and 2 mates know for sure that we did not cause Damage #2, which is simply staining the lamp shades. This can only be done by hanging damp undies on the lamp shade, which I can assure you that I never did. Why am I so sure? Because the room was shared between a guy, me and another girl, therefore discretion and decency was applied. Unlike the (female) Aliens Ultimo who shared one room. Besides, I saw with my eyes the undies on the lamp shades in their room. For that, I will not pay for it because I know I did no such thing. FOUR, the 2 aliens... Or rather, Alien Ultimo #2 simply assumes that whatever email correspondences made by the suspicious/ scheming coporation ("SSP") was mistake-proof. She simply take it at face value, and did not seem to wonder if there were any mistakes made on their side. I mean, the Aliens Ultimo act as though they were never at the place. They just rely on the emails sent by the SSP. For the love of all humankind, can't they just do this brain activity known as R-E-C-A-L-L-I-N-G ? Maybe then, they will realize that hey, they were there in Australia too and hey, they did hang their undies on the lamp shade (pardon my obsession with this fact).
FINALLY, SSP is there and we are here. They have the credit card number and HAVE already deducted the amount. Either way, we are screwed on this side of the world and conflicts are already arising among this ticking timebomb-like group.
MY issue with them is, they just want to settle the damages paid and everything will be all right. Sorry, but this will involve hard evidence and as far as me and my 2 mates are concerned, the evidence produced by SSP is not concrete enough. I'm too principled in this case to simply just pay and it will be a sunny day again, because I am simply not convinced. If I had been me a few years back, I would pay and be happy that things will be the same again. Not this time. This whole thing is too flaky and hole-y to begin with. The Aliens Ultimo are assumptious in the way that they EXPECT us to pay, whether we are at fault or not. They are also not interested in finding out what happened exactly. Somebody else may have caused the damages and made us the scapegoat. The way they are handling this is f*#ked up, because they simply are.
IF not for my other 2 mates, this trip down under would have been killed just because those 2 aliens were around. It is true; their mere presence irks me to no end. As if their mere presence is not bile-inducing, the words that they speak of.... It is unbearable. I shall end here and now because they do not deserve any further mention in this blog. My blog. B*@ches.
In the process of writing this entry, I have been frustratingly disconnected by my ISP. Well, I'm not going to take any more sh*t from this ISP anymore. Pity I stayed with them because I was loyal. Guess what? I don't see myself being as valued as other users of other ISPs. Arrgghh....!!!!!!!!!
~ nox noctis ~
SOMETIMES, it is the little things that get me all riled up. On the contrary, people always say, "It's just a small thing, forget it." Exactly. Since it is a small thing or issue, why not just forget it? I guess when this particular thing called 'money' is involved, no matter how small the issue is, it will be blown up and all bonds and relationships forged will be put to the test.
THIS train of thought came just a few days ago. The impact of it was simply ridiculous. Me and two other mates were shocked (aghast) at how this other two people ("Aliens Ultimo") are so particular (calculative) and detailed (penny-pinching). It is the long story that required us to pay for some damages we supposedly caused back down under, and the biggest joke is, we were innocent...But no, the two aliens just wants to settle the payment as soon as possible. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WE DIDN'T DO IT, DAMN IT~!!
THIS case of damage that we apparently caused has many loopholes. ONE, the amount of the damages was only deducted FOUR days after our departure, and without any form of notice, be it a phone call or email; just like that. I cannot help but wonder if giving out our credit card numbers is really safe and secure. TWO, the photo image of one of the damages was too incredible. To put it simply, this sort of damage can only be caused by a bowling ball being dropped into the middle of a ceramic sink, thus causing the cracks(Damage #1). Imagine how the impact would have been. Five people with an average weight of 55 kilograms each cannot cause such a damage. To clarify matters, none of us had a bowling ball in our luggage. Oh yeah, I have to add this. It is like one of another classic: Alien Ultimo #1 says that such cracks cannot be caused even if (get ready for this) somebody had sex on the sink (!!!) Go Figure, and understand my mental pain.
Plus, the picture could have been taken anywhere. If anyone of you thinks that I am trying to get away without paying, please do not read further. Get the hell out of my blog. THREE, me and 2 mates know for sure that we did not cause Damage #2, which is simply staining the lamp shades. This can only be done by hanging damp undies on the lamp shade, which I can assure you that I never did. Why am I so sure? Because the room was shared between a guy, me and another girl, therefore discretion and decency was applied. Unlike the (female) Aliens Ultimo who shared one room. Besides, I saw with my eyes the undies on the lamp shades in their room. For that, I will not pay for it because I know I did no such thing. FOUR, the 2 aliens... Or rather, Alien Ultimo #2 simply assumes that whatever email correspondences made by the suspicious/ scheming coporation ("SSP") was mistake-proof. She simply take it at face value, and did not seem to wonder if there were any mistakes made on their side. I mean, the Aliens Ultimo act as though they were never at the place. They just rely on the emails sent by the SSP. For the love of all humankind, can't they just do this brain activity known as R-E-C-A-L-L-I-N-G ? Maybe then, they will realize that hey, they were there in Australia too and hey, they did hang their undies on the lamp shade (pardon my obsession with this fact).
FINALLY, SSP is there and we are here. They have the credit card number and HAVE already deducted the amount. Either way, we are screwed on this side of the world and conflicts are already arising among this ticking timebomb-like group.
MY issue with them is, they just want to settle the damages paid and everything will be all right. Sorry, but this will involve hard evidence and as far as me and my 2 mates are concerned, the evidence produced by SSP is not concrete enough. I'm too principled in this case to simply just pay and it will be a sunny day again, because I am simply not convinced. If I had been me a few years back, I would pay and be happy that things will be the same again. Not this time. This whole thing is too flaky and hole-y to begin with. The Aliens Ultimo are assumptious in the way that they EXPECT us to pay, whether we are at fault or not. They are also not interested in finding out what happened exactly. Somebody else may have caused the damages and made us the scapegoat. The way they are handling this is f*#ked up, because they simply are.
IF not for my other 2 mates, this trip down under would have been killed just because those 2 aliens were around. It is true; their mere presence irks me to no end. As if their mere presence is not bile-inducing, the words that they speak of.... It is unbearable. I shall end here and now because they do not deserve any further mention in this blog. My blog. B*@ches.
In the process of writing this entry, I have been frustratingly disconnected by my ISP. Well, I'm not going to take any more sh*t from this ISP anymore. Pity I stayed with them because I was loyal. Guess what? I don't see myself being as valued as other users of other ISPs. Arrgghh....!!!!!!!!!
~ nox noctis ~
Friday, July 09, 2004
AHH... After a particular local internet service provider suspended my account for a few days because they think I'm not going to pay my bills, thereby causing the momentary cut-off from cyber space, I am back. Hey, it's just money. What's up with that cut-throat attitude? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. It's S-N-P--E I'm living in.
AS usual, many thoughts in my brain again. When my manager came up to me about a week ago to inform me that my contract is expiring and if I wanted to extend, I said 'yes' initially; as usual, shooting my mouth off, but I hesitated again, which my manager saw and said she will give me time to consider. I did want to extend my contract, for the basic reason of the extra cash. Recently, something happened and that forced me to re-prioritize. Mum was hospitalized, and for once, I know I do not want to see her like that at home. It was like a silent thunder for me to finally accept it. I'm forfeiting family time more than I would want to, and it is causing a change in me which I felt has never happened before. I did run away from it by burying myself in work, but in the end, I will still have to go home, but not to what it used to be. Or rather, how I keep insisting it is not the same.
PROBABLY the strongest reason is my mom. She is still hanging on, and I know this is the time where she needs support the most, so actually, not wanting to extend the contract was my initial decision which was fairly easy to make. But like what a fellow colleague said, it is the bond that have been forged, and that faltered my initial decision. I really want to stay because of all the fantastic people that I've gotten to know, and yet I want to stay at home and be with my mom. Both sides are equally strong, and there is no apparent winner, so to speak. I guess having this opportunity to work weekends is sort of like a gift from heaven. I'm very reluctant to give up my sole income stream, plus the fact that I have several desires to satisfy which required money to realize... Thanks, Almighty God. I'm not going to say You always know because You Do, but I think in this case, it is more apt to say that You Provide.
I remembered mulling over this in the hospital, and it just came to me: God provides. That's it :D
I have to change my mindset. There are so many things that require change, and I look forward to it. It's kind of hard for certain things to NOT remain status quo, but one has to move on and staying because of the memories...Sometimes, they are better left that way.
Hey O, if you are reading this, I'm glad you got out. Let's hit the Dubliner one of these days... I need my booze :D Plus, your shoutbox is NOT user-friendly.
~ nox noctis ~
AS usual, many thoughts in my brain again. When my manager came up to me about a week ago to inform me that my contract is expiring and if I wanted to extend, I said 'yes' initially; as usual, shooting my mouth off, but I hesitated again, which my manager saw and said she will give me time to consider. I did want to extend my contract, for the basic reason of the extra cash. Recently, something happened and that forced me to re-prioritize. Mum was hospitalized, and for once, I know I do not want to see her like that at home. It was like a silent thunder for me to finally accept it. I'm forfeiting family time more than I would want to, and it is causing a change in me which I felt has never happened before. I did run away from it by burying myself in work, but in the end, I will still have to go home, but not to what it used to be. Or rather, how I keep insisting it is not the same.
PROBABLY the strongest reason is my mom. She is still hanging on, and I know this is the time where she needs support the most, so actually, not wanting to extend the contract was my initial decision which was fairly easy to make. But like what a fellow colleague said, it is the bond that have been forged, and that faltered my initial decision. I really want to stay because of all the fantastic people that I've gotten to know, and yet I want to stay at home and be with my mom. Both sides are equally strong, and there is no apparent winner, so to speak. I guess having this opportunity to work weekends is sort of like a gift from heaven. I'm very reluctant to give up my sole income stream, plus the fact that I have several desires to satisfy which required money to realize... Thanks, Almighty God. I'm not going to say You always know because You Do, but I think in this case, it is more apt to say that You Provide.
I remembered mulling over this in the hospital, and it just came to me: God provides. That's it :D
I have to change my mindset. There are so many things that require change, and I look forward to it. It's kind of hard for certain things to NOT remain status quo, but one has to move on and staying because of the memories...Sometimes, they are better left that way.
Hey O, if you are reading this, I'm glad you got out. Let's hit the Dubliner one of these days... I need my booze :D Plus, your shoutbox is NOT user-friendly.
~ nox noctis ~
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